Today, I'm going to use this blog to complain. You have been warned.
I'm very frustrated. Maybe if I express this frustration, it will make me feel better.
You think? Let's try it.
I guess mostly I'm frustrated at school. I'm frustrated that it's been so hard (time-wise) and so expensive. I'm frustrated because I don't even know if it was a good idea to begin with. I don't know if I'm ever going to use my degree, and if I'll just have put the burden of student loans on my family for the sake of "getting a master's degree." That makes me feel awful. And the more I get into it, the more I think that I would never make a good teacher anyway. I have no clue what I'm doing in a classroom. And my classes, honestly, don't make me feel prepared for it at all. Not to mention I just lost a 4.0 that I've worked hard to keep up, because one of my teachers decided that a 95% should be an A minus; and because the teacher I did my internship with hasn't finished my evaluation (despite several reminders to do so) which has left me with a (hopefully temporary) D in that class, which is infuriating because I worked insanely hard at that internship.
I'm also frustrated with being sick. Yes, I'm sick again. I feel like I've been sick more often this past year and a half than in the previous 10 years combined. I used to never get sick. And now I get sick and it lasts for weeks at a time and I'm miserable through it all. I try not to let it get to me, and I think I've actually done a pretty good job of that in the past, but I guess this time is just the straw breaking the camel's back. And I'm the camel. The sick camel. Without the energy to keep my house clean or make dinner. It's...well, frustrating.
I'm frustrated because I'm in this yucky mood, and it's Christmastime and I just want to be enjoying it and looking forward to everything without all the worry hanging over my head. Christmas just brings with it so much that needs to get done, which can be both good and bad, I guess. Good because it keeps me busy, and bad because I feel like I could never get it all done just right. Anyway, I firmly believe that happiness is a choice, but sometimes it's really hard to just "choose" to be happy and make it so. But I guess I should keep trying, so...
I'll be done complaining for now. I am well aware that there is so much good in my life and that I am extremely blessed to only have the "problems" that I have. Hopefully my frustration will blow over soon. In fact, I feel better already.